The concept for this blog stemmed from a hastily left voicemail, in which Malorie Evens asked me out on what seemed like a date. To quote in verbatim "i just got one of the best ideas i've ever had in my life, and it involves me and you, and this is not a date." naturally, i was mortified (not just because it was one of those voicemails that was mysterious and not very telling, but also because i seriously thought Malorie Evens was asking me out on a date, despite the fact that she actually said she was not asking me out on a date.)
When we met up, she tried to explain that she wanted me to co-write a blog with her -- at first i wasn't sure what she was saying, because i was to involved with cramming a vegetarian hot dog into my mouth and all i could see were her lips moving. She the proceeded to tell me that I never listen. I asked her to repeat that last bit, which escalated into a near violent confrontation that stemmed from my selective hearing, rude behavior and social norms and when and where it is appropriate to litter.
After taking charge (as i normally do) i decided that i would in fact take part in the co-blogging effort; on the terms that she would not be stealing my jokes, taking credit for my talent and that she would continue to let me eat whatever falls off of her sandwich as we write our blogs. The terms were simple, and the terms were accepted. Contracts were signed, toasts were made, and we signed on to co-author this blog as well as one season of 12 video blog episodes... however i have a feeling that i'll be meeting with my legal team and find some loop hole that will allow me to break my contract.
now, without further ado, i introduce to you my partner, malone evens.
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This morning I woke up, an hour early for class, prepared to buy scantrons, get my morning coffee in attempt to stablize my mind and body, and study for an exam I had in my second class of the day. Everything was right on schedule. I only hit the snooze button once. I brushed my teeth, packed my notebooks, telephone, cigarettes, and Orbit "sweet mint" flavored gum with a large chunk of time left to cram the information on my flash cards into my brain. I thought, "no problem, great day!" I arrived at school, and started on my scantron mission still, right on time. I reached into my bag for my wallet, and after some frantic finger searching of the bag, all I could think to say was, "Oh, dick." It was now 8:45 am, and it was clear as day that my world was slowing crumbling down at my feet. I had to do something.
It was after this that I realized I had to make some sort of move, I needed money, and fast. I attempted to call a friend of mine, Sean Wray, to see if he could let me in his house to find my wallet. No Response. I already knew not to try to call Nick Sands because I was well-aware he wouldn't answer the phone due to him being in a temporary lack of sleep coma. Secondly, I tried calling M because I knew he would be arriving to school the same time I did and he is a man of luxurious tastes, so I figured he had $5 I could borrow. I was so desperate that I thought of him as my only hope even though I knew it would take me a half hour to get through the million questions he had to ask me concerning the reason behind me needing this money. "Are you trying to buy another crack rock, Malone?" he would ask. Then he would proceed to tell me I couldn't have it because he already spent it on his day's worth of groceries (two red bulls.) Finally I called my friend Nadine, I knew she would pull through. While waiting for Nadine, I sat outide of Pray Harrold chain-smoking and looking at my flashcards and a rude man from a frat asked me if I was from the country while he was playing Guitar Hero on his cell phone.
After convicing myself that Fiction 101 wasn't a necessity for the day, I went to the only place I could think of for some peace and quiet. (and by peace and quiet I mean, away from the Broseph asking me if my tattoo was in fact, a real tattoo.) I had boughten my scantrons and coffee, and still had ample time to study. "This is great," I thought "I should skip class more often, I save so much free time!" It was then, as I was browsing various websites, that I got one of the best ideas of my life...
"Let's start a blog!"
"I already have a blog, Melanie."
"I mean, let's do one together! We can write about things like the Honorable Cat poems, it will be great! Right? Hey! M! Are you listening? Wouldn't that be awesome?! M, are you paying attention to a single word I'm saying to you?!"
"Where are the trays? And where are the veggie dogs?"
"You aren't taking this seriously, this is a great idea!"
"I'll think about it, hold my tray for me so I can put the condiments on."
I knew then, that this was going to be big. After trying to convince me that smoking while at a drive through window wasn't rude, and throwing things much, much, bigger than a cigarette butt out of my car windows*, it was clear that me and M had the dynamic the blog world needed.
And here we are, starting a new journey in life together. After clearing my mind to let the inspiration in, mind clear, and all I can think is, "This is going to be a whale of a good time."
*please do not throw your Minute Maid ice cream containers out car windows, not even in Ypsilanti. And don't smoke while paying your parking fee. It's rude.
**please ignore the previous statement, as Malorie has no idea what she's talking about...not just because she's a woman.
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